Weight loss versus body love
This is a complex and controversial topic, but an important one to discuss if we are to shift the needle away from striving to fit unrealistic body stereotypes towards a focus on good health and body positivity, no matter your size.
I acknowledge that each of you have endured your own unique experiences with food and your body and will be reading this through your own lense. Hence, my intention is to present a few different ways of thinking to support the diversity of perspectives and experiences, based on my own knowledge and experience as a food freedom coach, and previous personal lived experience with an eating disorder and disordered eating. Although written in a general tone, my hope is that this article provides you with some level of clarity and support as an individual.
There are some big differences between weight loss and body love. You can actually be any size body and not be happy in the way you look. Poor body image is not just for people who have gained weight or live in bigger bodies. And weight loss does not automatically result in a more positive body image or greater self-love.
In my professional opinion there are many factors that affect the way we feel about our bodies. These include how we feel inside our body, how physically healthy we are and feel, and how comfortable we are in our clothes and moving about the world day to day in our body.
However I believe that the way we view our own and others’ bodies largely boils down to our, often distorted, thinking and beliefs due to diet culture conditioning, which has also conditioned our friends and family around us. This conditioning drives the way we communicate with each other about food, weight and bodies, and also determines how we treat our own body.
Therefore, firstly accepting then developing a healthy relationship with food and our own body is the only thing we have control over, and is imperative for sustaining long term health and happiness.
Healing ourselves first is also the best way to help our loved ones heal. Our beliefs drive our actions and create our reality. So your new healthy beliefs about yourself, food and your body drive new healthy, loving, supportive actions towards yourself and your body. When others see and feel this from you, they naturally start to change too, even without you having to say too much. Your new high vibration and living a life of food and body freedom organically becomes the invitation for them to heal too.
Where It All Starts
Some of you reading this may have been bullied at school or at home, and many of you may have received seemingly ‘harmless’ comments about your eating or body size from loved ones, of which may have conditioned your own beliefs about yourself and your body as an adult, and lead you to eat a certain way or treat your body a certain way as a result.
It might be helpful to acknowledge that even if these type of comments are intended as jovial, well-meaning or out of love, there is an underlying, and often unconscious, lense of diet culture conditioning (and other types of conditioning) about themselves and their own bodies that has dictated their style of communication about eating and bodies.
We only know what we know. And there has been little to no education (other than by eating disorder specialists and support groups), that even seemingly harmless comments like “Do you really need that?”, “Haven’t you had enough?”, “Gee, I don’t know where you put it?”, can have a deeper negative and long term impact than intended for someone with low self-esteem or poor body image. I believe having some understanding of the exponential impact of diet culture conditioning makes it easier to be forgiving of others and move forward in a positive way to heal your relationship with yourself, food and your body.
What Are Your Beliefs?
Now I’d like to invite you to explore your own beliefs and become curious about what weight loss, or being in a smaller body, means to you. The deeper reason most people want to lose weight is the belief that it will help you love yourself and your body more, which will make you feel more happy and confident in life.
For me in my 20’s I believed it meant that I was in control. I thought that people would view me as being in control of my whole life, if I was lean and small. I believed dieting and losing the weight gained from emotional overeating meant I was back in control again. But this only lead to more food restriction which always rebounded back into being more out of control, with more overeating.
So now looking back and remembering that I was living in a constant state of anxiety and probably often depression, that being in a smaller body I wasn’t actually happier or more in control of my whole life at all. Weight loss did not equal body love for me. In fact I loved my body less at my thinnest. I was merely controlling my eating from an energy of fear, scarcity and feeling out of control with the rest of my life.
I lost weight for short periods of time, but what for? This did not result in me being happy, confident and relaxed as I thought it might, and all the other aspects of my life didn’t suddenly come into alignment, nor all my problems solved.
Think of it like this - just because you're a certain number on the scales doesn't mean it suddenly solves all of your life problems. You still have to deal with your anxiety and depression, and the daily pressures of work, finances, family or study when you are thinner or in a smaller or leaner body.
I received many compliments when I was thinner (also due to diet culture conditioning), which felt good in the moment. And I thought this praise was what I was looking for - because I believed I’d be more acknowledged, loved and accepted if I was thin. Sadly an element of this belief was fulfilled, because I actually did get more adoration when I was really thin from many people (thankfully not my family), however it also made me panic on the inside, “will they stop acknowledging and loving me this much if I gain the weight back?”.
The overarching effect of the compliments was that it simply created more pressure to stay thin. It was already hard enough to get there, I thought, how was I going to maintain this, especially with regular emotional overeating behind closed doors. I may have looked like I had it together on the outside, but the truth was I felt like a fraud, especially once I was studying dietetics and became a nutritionist.
So please take it from someone who battled on and off for twenty plus years - being thinner does not automatically make you more happy, more confident or love your body more. It’s never enough when you have this perfectionist mindset and struggle with low self-esteem.
The inner work to build your own self worth hasn’t been done, therefore whatever happens on the outside will never be enough anyway.
It's time to let go of the external, clear the negative beliefs that are holding you back, so that you can realise your amazing self-worth, step into your divine feminine power, and love yourself into a healthy body so that you FEEL empowered to create your best life, regardless of your size.
The marketing of diet and weight loss companies is a seduction trap. It’s an illusion. Because quick fix diets may give you quick results, but they are short-lived results. This restrictive way of eating is unkind and unloving to you and is not sustainable, as it always rebounds back to what's familiar to you - if the root cause and habit of your emotional overeating has not been addressed.
Now to explore another aspect of weight loss versus body love.
Weight loss and body love are not totally mutually exclusive, as they can actually coexist in a healthy way, if you truly have excess weight to be released, as a result of regular binge or emotional overeating behaviour, which is UN-loving to your body.
In saying that, your body may have also changed and be hanging onto more excess weight now due to hormonal changes or medical health problems (rather than from binge or emotional overeating). So addressing these medical or hormonal imbalances may help you become healthier on the inside. This may result in the size of your body changing back to what it was, but it also may not. There are so many internal and external factors that may have changed and now effect your body size, weight or shape. For example trauma and stress can have huge impacts.
It’s important to note that our feminine body is not meant to stay the same over the different lifespans (and cannot due to hormonal changes), and also how ‘health’ looks on each of presents differently. For example two individuals can eat and exercise exactly the same way every day, but their respective bodies may look very different. Genetics, body type, environment and so many factors determine how our bodies look.
Being healthy and happy long term is about how you feel about yourself on the inside, your perceptions of your own body, and supporting your unique body to find it’s own happy place.
And for those of you who follow me you'll know that I'm not about helping you lose your last 5kg, I’m about helping you develop a healthy relationship with yourself, food and your body, and finding your own unique, happy body, by:
• Loving yourself and your body first, so that you actually want to take care of yourself
• Then because you are happier on the inside, you are less likely to be seeking pleasure on the outside, through high dopamine foods
• Therefore it's then easier to break free from unhealthy habits of binge, stress or emotional overeating, which have been keeping you feeling unhealthy
• Then if you truly have excess weight to be released your body will release that over time, as a result of you breaking these regular habits and supporting your body each day.
So for many people yes, losing weight, if you truly have excess weight to be released as a result of regular emotional overeating, can help you feel a little more confident and happy, mostly because you may feel healthier, more mobile, comfortable, more in your clothes and have more energy.
Breaking the habit of emotional overeating on high sugar high fat foods allows your body to become healthier, therefore you feel healthier physically, mentally and emotionally. You may also feel more confident and happy because you have accomplished something for yourself that you know is good for your health.
However if your weight loss has resulted from quick-fix strict dieting, rather than taking the longer term approach of deeply healing your relationship with food, this weight loss will likely be short lived and eventually backfire into more emotional overeating on all the foods you've been deprived of.
Given that our beliefs drive our actions, we need to change the way we think about ourselves, food and bodies and adopt the Body Love Lifestyle in order to sustain a healthy body for the long term.
Losing Weight Also Does Not Always Equal HEALTH
A lower body weight or losing weight also does not automatically mean better health for many people, contrary to the medical doctor’s ‘blanket’ answer to everything. You can be in a small or thin body and still be an alcoholic, drug addict, smoke a packet of cigarettes a day, eat nothing but two chocolate frogs for the whole day, or live on Coke and McDonalds. This is not health, regardless of how thin you are.
People who seem to look fit and healthy on the outside walking down the street could also be in an abusive relationship, be hating their body, have internal medical issues, chronic fatigue or be riddled with anxiety and depression. We wouldn't wish these things upon anyone, however they are a possibility, no matter what size body you are in.
See where I'm going with this? Being in a smaller body does not automatically mean you are medically healthy, mentally happy in yourself, or confident in your body.
Weight loss does not automatically equal body love.
You may also assume someone is nailing life as they look healthy to you, they go to the gym every day, eat seemingly ‘perfect’, have a hot boyfriend, wear the latest fashion, excel at their profession and enjoy an active social life. However they may suffer with past trauma, low self-esteem, feel constantly anxious about what people think, doubt themselves with every decision they make, and so live their life as a perfectionist, never feeling good enough. They also may hate their body and be exhausted from hardly eating and overexercising at the gym, or have an eating disorder behind closed doors. Poor body image and eating disorders do not discriminate, they occur in all size bodies.
Furthermore, just like someone can be in a bigger-size body but have a strong sense of self-worth and be very happy with their body. They may be a great leader at work or at home, be super physically strong and fit, full of energy and personality, regularly engage in all their favourite passions and hobbies, have a healthy romantic relationship, eat reasonably healthy, and their blood results at the doctor are all medically sound.
We can never judge a book by its cover. So weight loss or thinness does not equal health or body love.
Even if you are exercising and eating healthy and look the part, if you are still judgeing your body on the inside, weight loss is clearly not equating to body love here, as you are coming from a place of punishment, rather than exercising for energy, mental clarity, feel good endorphins, or to feel strong and empowered.
Judging your body actually creates a stress response in the body which may be counterproductive, burning muscle instead of building it, slowing the metabolism down, making the body become efficient at storing fat instead of burning it, as well as causing other possible adrenal, fatigue and thyroid issues. The perfectionist mindset of this seemingly healthy-looking person may actually be feeling anxious, unhappy and burnt out from pushing themselves to the limit because they feel ‘never good enough’. I know, because I have been there!
This ‘tough love’ negative self-talk in your mind, even if you look healthy, while you are pounding the treadmill not only releases stress hormones, causing you to feel low vibration emotions and toxic energy that vibrates in the cells of the body, possibly causing more dis-ease making you unhealthy. They say all illness comes from stress. And stress comes from negative or stressful thoughts. And, from a more ‘woo woo’ perspective, I second that. We need to become aware of and address the negative thoughts that create low vibration emotions, which lower your vibe, zap your energy and end up making you sick.
So in conclusion, if you are hating yourself, feeling ‘not good enough’ with your body or any area of your life, believing you have to lose weight to be loved and accepted and don't feel safe in your body, it doesn't matter how much you diet or how many calories you burn off. Your body will hang onto it anyway and you also still feel unhappy on the inside.
Therefore changing your physical body on the outside does not automatically equal body love or feeling happy on the inside. We have to look at the mindset and do the inner work if we want to feel happy within the mind.
So if you're an emotional eater or boredom eater and feeling unhappy in your body, it's the emotions and the habit that need to be addressed, not the food.
Here are some points to further clarify that weight loss and body love are two distinct concepts.
Weight loss:
• Focus: Weight loss primarily focuses on achieving a lower number on the scale or a specific weight-related goal
• External Validation: It often seeks external validation and approval from others based on physical appearance
• Short-Term Goals: Weight loss goals are often short-term, emphasizing quick fixes or rapid changes
• Restrictive Practices: It may involve extreme dieting, intense exercise routines, or other restrictive practices that can be unsustainable and potentially harmful
• Potential Negatives: Overemphasis on weight loss can lead to negative consequences for physical and mental health, including eating disorders and a poor body image.
Body Love:
• Focus: Body love emphasizes embracing and appreciating your body as it is, regardless of its size or weight
• Internal Validation/self love: It centers on self-acceptance and self-compassion, finding value within yourself rather than seeking validation from external sources
• Long-Term mental Health & Well-Being: It promotes long-term well-being, holistic health, and overall self-care
• Health and Happiness: Body love recognizes that physical and emotional health, self-esteem, and happiness can be achieved without significant weight loss
• Sustainable Practices: It encourages sustainable practices that prioritize self-care, mental health, and balanced living. LONG TERM HEALTH COMES FROM MICRO HABITS over time
• Positive Self-Image: Fosters a positive self-image and a more balanced approach to health and well-being.
In conclusion, the difference between weight loss and body love is that weight loss often places the primary emphasis on achieving a specific number on the scale or fitting into a certain size of clothing. It’s often driven by external validation - family, friends, society, social media (all diet culture conditioning), and is often focussed on the external look of the body, for many at any cost, with little care for health or how you feel - therefore you often feel the same/no better mentally even after losing weight.
When perfectionism is involved in weight loss it can involve extreme measures, which leads to self-loathing, dangerous compensatory behaviors or ‘all or nothing’ eating if even the slightest ‘mistake’ is made. This illustrates that losing weight does not automatically make you love yourself or your body more. You still feel ‘not good enough’ if you are functioning from a perfectionist mindset, as this mindset doesn’t magically go away on its own without addressing the mind itself, rather than the size of your body.
While it might bring short-term satisfaction, instant gratification like when you buy a new car, the novelty soon wears off and the disordered thinking and self-judgement is still there - as a food diet does not address the internal belief systems about oneself.
On the other hand, body love centers on embracing and appreciating your body as it is.
Body Love is about nurturing a positive body image and a strong sense of self-worth by finding value within yourself, regardless of your size or weight. It promotes long-term well-being and focuses on making small changes, sustainable practices and a holistic approach to health and happiness.
Body love encourages self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-care as the path to a healthier, happier you.
This adoption of self-care and loving yourself and your body first leads to more loving actions and micro habits that are good for your body anyway. Therefore weight may release anyway as a natural byproduct of breaking emotional overeating habits ( if you truly had weight to be released as a result of emotional overeating in the first place). It becomes easy to be healthy once you love your body. At Body Love Lifestyle this comes first, in order to ensure your long term health and happiness.
